June 2nd 2007. Saturday. Noon. I got the SMS from my cousin that my uncle (mid 80s) in pakistan passed away. His Name was Omar but to his siblings he was known as "Aba bha" .. I think it means big brother in a local Memon Dialect. Though, we called him "Haji". I don't really know how these names came about, but every since I was a kid I called him Haji. My early memories of Haji was a laid back man who ran a small business of making bottles and thermos that kept the drinks hot in winter and cold in summer. My memories are from late 70s or early 80s. I recall that he enjoyed entertainment and I also have a vague memory of him taking me to movie as well when I was probably 8 or 10. Haji didnt have any children but he had 8 siblings and plenty of nephews and nieces. He was married for 50+ years and his wife whom we call "Bhabhi" is still alive -- but for last 7 or so years she is bed rested. Both Haji, Bhabhi and a maid (knows as Maasi, but for all practical purpose part of the family) lived in a 2 bedroom apartment. My mom and a cousin also lived in the same complex. In karachi most people live in apartments. He also had a neighbor whose daughter Almas stopped by everyday and kept them company. Alma's Mom is a principal in a nearby school. Almas, a caring soul had some challenges in counting and did participate in special olympics in NY a few years back. I once carried encylopedia for her cousin in Atlanta. Almas, Mom taught religion.
Haji and Bhabhi were lucky in the sense that they both have plenty of people who took care of them and brought them food and kept them company. Not having children must have been hard but one my cousins, Sabra Baji and her children, were just like her family. They made sure their health was taken care of and they had food and medication provided. My other Uncle Suleman probably visted every other day as well and my cousin Aslam and my mom were of course always there with juice, food and time. The social structure of the society and family sytem made it easy for them to spend their retired life. Though, the last few years were tough where their health was declining and even getting up and going to the restroom was challenging.
Haji used to go out everyday and spend 1 - 2 hours and sit in sun. He probably slipped a dozen times in the bathroom and there were times when the maasi will call my mom and she with her bad back and knee pains will do her best to calm the situations and get them back on bed. Their bedroom was west open which brought lot of fresh air and you can see the street from the window. There is a barren land between their window and a street and folks tried to raise a building thier which would have totally killed the fresh air. Its a prime spot but somehow none of the builders could get that space converted into apartments. I think there was some divine intervention there.
Maasi, the maid, who is probably in late 60's would often fight with the bhabhi and somewhere in that fight I saw people "living" even given their bad health condition. Maasi, had eye surgery, Haji forgets what he just said and Bhabhi can hardly get up. One of the memories that put a smile on my face was that one of the cousins was getting married, and bad rested bhabhi insisted she wants new clothes and want to attend the wedding. My cousin brought to her some samples of scarf of what she can wear and even though she can hardly move her body she was uttering her choice and how she wanted to wear Red. I was convinced that no matter what its the spirit in us that make us live and it dawned upon me that "a wedding and a new dress" is what it might take for someone to make it to that next week of life.
Haji, loved kids. He will ALWAYS have balloons for every kid that visited and often kids got a buck or two if they behaved and paid respect. Haji was not rich but he was not poor either. He did have a place and there were some investments that bought him grocery but he had family and thats more than anything. Last night, on his death bed my other uncle signed up to stay with him for 3 days at the hospital -- My other uncle is a story of sacrifice in itself but thats for some other day. He will be visiting soon so I am looking forward to it. I am sure beside my other uncle there are probably 20 other people there right now....
Haji has many siblings and even though I am 10k miles away from him and will not be able to attend his funeral, I know he will have more than 300 people there to say him Good bye. I am concerned about his wife and Maasi but knowing my family, they will be there for her more than ever now. Loosing a life partner of 50 years is a hard challenge and I am praying she hangs and wait for another wedding ....
I pray to God that he makes it to Heaven or equivalent.
With Love, prayers and a couple of tears ....
His Nephew ...
Junaid
something to say ....
